Bloody Bathhouse of Horror
by Chingu
Summary: Our favorite characters from Bloodlust are on a trip to a remote hot springs resort . . . but what can they really expect to happen while on their vacation? Read and find out . . .
1. Driving Kids Crazy

**__**

Disclaimer: I don't own VHD or its characters. 

This little fic is just meant to poke some fun at our favorite characters from "VHD: Bloodlust". D and the others are all taking a group field trip to a popular hot spring resort, but most of the fun is just getting there. 

Please read and enjoy!

The heavy metal vehicle skied through the dust-filled plain without difficulty, unchallenged by the dry environment's rough and arid weather. Inside, a total of eleven-point-five people were enjoying the new air conditioner that had been recently put into the huge mini-van-like rover, each working hard to forget about how cramped it was. Patience was low, and tension was high. 

"Hey," Kyle whispered to Nolt beside him. The bigger man peered down at his younger brother, his face barely moving a twitch. 

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you go ask him?"

"Ask who what?" 

"You know---" Kyle rolled his eyes over in Borgoff's direction who was busily driving the vehicle. Nolt's face constricted into a look of mild disbelief. 

"You're still not over that yet?" he asked dubiously. 

"C'mon, man," Kyle hissed, his voice beginning to work into his whisper. "I won't ask you another favor for the rest of my life!" Nolt shook his head, crossing his arms up to his chest to make clear his stand. Kyle sighed, frustrated, and he slammed his back against the wall of the vehicle. 

"What's the matter with you now, Kyle?" Leila breathed, her eyes closed and her head resting against the other wall. 

"Kyle still wants a turn to drive," Nolt answered for him, voice flat. 

"Oh, let it go, Kyle," Caroline suddenly interjected, her own sultry voice edged with irritation. "We've already argued over who's going to drive before we left. Nobody else is complaining." 

"Well I don't think it's fair," Kyle said sulkily as he crossed his own arms and propped his foot up against his seat. "We should all get a turn. It'll be a while before we get there, and I never get to drive." 

"Shaddup," Borgoff said over his shoulder. "I can hear everything you say, Kyle. I'm older than you and get special rights . . . and this is my rover anyway."

"Says who?" Kyle suddenly shot, sitting up in outrage. "This is just as much mine and Nolt's as it is yours, Borgoff!"  
"I don't think so," Borgoff said as he shot a look over his shoulder. "I'm the one who found this thing, and I'm the one who put the most back into it, so it's mostly mine." 

"Hey, wait a minute," Nolt suddenly put in. "I agree with Kyle on this one, Borgoff, and I did all of the heavy lifting . . . what did you do?"

"The most important part, of course," Borgoff retorted. "I drew up all of the modifications and the mechanics. I was the supervisor, and you two were the labor." 

"Labor!?" Kyle exclaimed, even more outraged. "I bet I know the workings of this rover better than you do, Borgoff! Whenever the damn thing breaks down, who do you think is always forced to fix it?"

"Details, details," Borgoff said flippantly as he waved his hand through the air. Everyone could hear the sound of Kyle's teeth grinding as he was about to launch into another tirade. Leila sighed, the sound of it hardly breaking through the noise barrier that Borgoff and Kyle were creating as they argued. Every now and then, Nolt's voice could be heard trying to intercede between the two of them. Leila threw a frustrated glance over in D's direction, hoping that he'd be able to bring the situation back under control. 

"Don't look at me," he said placidly as he caught her look. "I didn't even want to go in this thing." 

"Look," Carmila said, exasperated as she fanned herself. "Not everyone here like to ride cyborg horses. We all voted . . . Borgoff, can't you turn that thing up a notch? It's too damn hot in here." 

"It's 'on' at full blast, Carmila," Borgoff said through clenched teeth as he continued to fight for his wheel. Kyle was working to push him out of the seat. Every now and then, the vehicle would lurch sideways, but nobody was knocked from their own spots in the rover. "What else do you expect me to do?" Borgoff continued once he had managed to regain full control of the wheel again. Kyle had given up, deciding that it wouldn't get him anywhere. "You didn't have to wear that damn dress." 

"True that," Benge said as he fought to get another one of Carmila's folds away from his face. He was seated in one of the corners and was the only one completely trapped by her extravagant gown. "I can hardly breathe in here!" 

"You'd think she'd be cold," D's left hand mused over the ruckus, referring to Carmila's scant top. D nodded in agreement, but he didn't say anything. 

"That's easy for a thing without a body of it's own to say," Carmila said as she shot a sharp look over at Lefthand. It grunted, unfazed by the minor insult. 

"Are we there yet?" Caroline whined, rubbing her temples with her fingers to help fight off the headache she was getting. 

"Damn it, no!" Borgoff shouted back. "Don't ask me that again! We'll be there when we get there!"

"Don't take your mood out on me!" Caroline huffed, indignant. "I didn't do anything!" 

"Yeah, but your hair keeps getting in my mouth," Grove spat. "Can't you tie it back or something?"

"Well why don't you just get your lazy ass out of bed?!" Caroline retorted as she looked down at Grove. 

"Hey, I can't help it! You should be grateful that I even let you sit on my bed!"

"Leave him alone, Caroline," Leila piped up, defensive. "Just trade seats with me, okay?" 

"You should stick him in rehab," Caroline muttered as she stood. 

"I'm not an addict!" Grove shouted. 

"Oh, yeah?" Benge said as he pushed at some more folds. "Then what's that stuff you always shoot up your arm, Tinkerbell?"

"I told you to stop calling me that," Grove said through clenched teeth as he glared at Benge who only returned it with a chuckle. 

"Tinkerbell," he sang in a mocking tone. "Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell, Tinkerbeeelllll---OW!" Benge held his hand over his head, grimacing as he touched the tender spot on his head before whipping his attention back to Leila. "What the hell did you do that for!" he cried, outraged. 

"Stop teasing him," she warned as she stood over him, her hand still clenched in a tight fist. 

"Or what?" Benge challenged. 

"Or I'll give you another taste of this," Leila hissed, waving her fist under his nose. Benge swallowed before regaining his composure and giving Leila a forced, derisive smile. 

"You don't scare me, witch," he laughed weakly. "I'll call him and everyone else here anything that I want." 

"Oh, yeah?" Caroline broke in, still working to get comfortable in Leila's old seat. "Then what would you call me?"

"Nothing yet," Benge mumbled as Leila finally backed away, satisfied that she had gotten her message through loud and clear. 

A loud banging coming from overhead stopped anyone from saying anything else. Everyone became silent as all eyes turned upward towards the source of the banging.

"Stop your arguing in there!" everyone heard Mashira's voice shout. "I can't commune with nature with all of the noise you guys are making!" 

"What's there to commune with out there, Mashira?" Kyle shouted back, still stung from his lost battle with Borgoff. "There's nothing out there but dirt and rock!"

"Even rock and dirt have feelings, you know!" Mashira shouted incredulously as though it were common knowledge. 

"You're just upset that you had to sit outside, Mashira!" Benge shouted irritably as he flipped another fold away from his face. "You know that you want to come in here!"

"If _someone_ hadn't taken the last seat available," they all heard Mashira growl as his anger began to take over, "---I _would_ be in there to enjoy that nice air-conditioning!"

"Aaahhh," Caroline cooed in mock sympathy. She had been the one to take the last seat. "Poor Mashira is sitting out there all by himself. You know what they say, wolf man. The last one is a rotten egg . . ."

"Shut the hell up, Caroline," Mashira growled. "I was talking about the front passenger's side seat."

"I already went over that with you, Mashira," Borgoff shouted out loud enough to be heard. "We needed the spot to put all our things." 

"You could've put them out here!"

"And have it all get ruined by the weather out there? Give me a break."

A loud thump could be heard as Mashira resigned himself into another meditative position on top of the rover. A silence ensued between them all as a result of Mashira's short reprieve. Leila sighed in relief and was grateful for the moment. Her attention was suddenly diverted towards the back of the vehicle. 

"You two have been awfully quiet," she commented dryly as she watched Meier and Charlotte cuddling up to each other. "Care to share any thoughts with the rest of the group?"

"Yes," Meier breathed as he gazed lovingly into Charlotte's beautiful, bright eyes. "We have an announcement to make . . . Charlotte, my dear one. Would you like to be the one to give them the good news?" 

"Oh, no, Meier, my love," Charlotte breathed, lost in the depth of her lover's intense stare. "You should be the one to . . ." 

Kyle and Benge exchanged looks of disgust before rolling their eyes. 

"Well, what is it?" Carmila asked in quiet impatience, still fanning herself. A big chunk of her own gown was suddenly thrown over her head. "Damn you, Benge---"

"Charlotte and I are getting married," Meier interrupted before another argument could escalate. "And you're all invited to the wedding." 

"Oh, that's great, you two!" Leila exclaimed happily. She jumped up from her seat so that she could give the two lovers a congratulatory hug, but she had to take her time getting to the back of the vehicle to avoid tripping over one of Carmila's folds. 

"I always thought you two should get married!" she said amiably as she took one of each of their hands into her own. "You two make such a good couple." 

"Yeah, like the Addams' Family couple," Benge snickered. Kyle laughed in turn. 

"Good one, Benge!" he said as they slapped hands together. Leila threw them both a sharp look that made them both shut-up, but they continued to snicker when she turned her back on them. 

"So have you guys set a date, yet?" Borgoff asked from the front. 

"No," Meier answered with a coy smile. "But we wanted to ask Carmila if we could hold the wedding at the Castle of Chaythe." 

"Why the hell would I care?" Carmila muttered. "I used to have all sorts of parties there back in my day. The place needs a little energy to help spruce it up a little." 

"Oh, thank you so much, Carmila!" Charlotte gushed. "You don't know how much that means to us both."  
"Just do me a favor," D started up quietly. "Don't have any kids." 

"What?" Charlotte asked, her eyes blinking with confusion. "Why not? Meier and I have already decided that we wanted twenty."

"Twenty!" everyone exclaimed at the same time. Charlotte blushed as Meier smiled. 

"Hey! What's going on in there?" Mashira called from the top of the rover. 

"Meier, Charlotte," D sighed as he reached up to pinch his brow. The others were still too stunned to comment. "Twenty?---why?" 

"It was a nice, even number," Charlotte said with a shrug. "Wasn't it, Sweet Cakes?" 

"Yeah, I'll bet," Benge snorted. "Charlotte . . . you wouldn't happen to be Catholic, would you?" 

"Why, yes," Charlotte answered, surprised. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Only that many Catholics don't believe in birth control." 

Meier's face suddenly turned beet red as the others turned knowing eyes on him, but he quickly cleared his throat and blew them off. Charlotte only blinked her eyes in confusion. 

"Well I think every family should have a lot of kids," Nolt said to break the silence. "Me, I've always liked kids and kids have always liked me." 

"Oh, reeeaaaally?" Caroline said, her voice drawn down into a sultry purr. "Kyle . . . would you mind trading seats with me?" 

"Huh?" Nolt said, his alert mode shifting into high gear. Kyle was about to refuse when another idea crossed his mind instead. 

"Sure, Caroline," Kyle said with a slight lilt to his voice. "Go right on ahead . . . you know, Nolt's single."

The spark in Caroline's eyes became a glimmer of burning passion. "That's nice to know, Kyle," she purred, her eyes fixed on Nolt's nervous form. Sweat beads were beginning to break out along his forehead. He threw a fierce look at Kyle as the smaller man slid out from beside him. Kyle gave him a shrewd wink that said, "That'll teach you for not backing me up when I need you to," as Caroline slipped into his old spot. Nolt had to lean over to his left as Caroline slinked her own body against his own, his elbow brushing up against Grove's head. 

"Hey, watch it, Nolt," Grove said irritably. "It's already bad enough that half of everyone here has made their home on my bed." 

"Sorry, man," Nolt said hoarsely, distracted by Caroline's giggling. "Borgoff, are you sure you got that thing cranked to its max? I'm getting hot here myself." 

Borgoff sighed in resigned frustration. "Yes, Nolt, it's as high as it can go. Just hold on to your sweat glands." 

"Take your time, Borgoff," Caroline murmured as she slid her hand onto Nolt's lap, making him shift in his seat. "I'm in no hurry, now." 

"D, can I get some help from you?" Nolt asked, his deep voice rising a notch as Caroline's hand went further up. D shrugged. 

"What can I do?" he asked casually. "You're a pretty big man that can handle himself." 

"Kyle?" Nolt's voice broke as Caroline's hand found purchase in a sensitive area. He quickly moved so that he was free again . . . for the moment. 

"What, man?" Kyle said, chuckling evilly. "I don't see a problem to deal with." 

"Men," Carmila spat under her breath.

"You said it," Leila agreed in disgust as she watched. 

"Oh, Meier," Charlotte breathed dreamily.

"Oh, Charlotte," Meier sighed lovingly. 

"Will you two shut up?" Benge said as he kicked at another fold that was slowly making its way up his leg. "You're making me sick." 

A flash of shadow suddenly ripped through the air and ended with a loud "CHINK!" against the wall beside Benge's head. The deadly blade still vibrated with the force it was thrown with, reflecting Benge's wide, fear-stricken eyes from its gleaming, black surface. 

Meier's red eyes glowed with intensity, his glare focused, his free hand still outstretched from the throw. Benge swallowed before giving a sheepish laugh.

"Just kidding," he said. "I was just kidding . . . please, continue." 


	2. I Think I Can

"How far is it to the next town, Borgoff?" Kyle asked from beneath the shade of the rover. It was tipped over on its side with a large, gaping hole ripped away from its top. The twisted remains of the metal that used to cover it lay broken and discarded a hundred yards back, every now and then rocked by the wind as it toyed with the metal's mangled body. 

"Hell if I know," Borgoff answered casually as he chewed on a piece of wood, his eyes cast forward as he judged the distance between them and the wooded area before them. "I don't think there's one near here, though," he said despondently. "Not within a hundred mile radius at any rate." 

"That's--just--great," Carmila said as she slapped at her thigh. "Do you know what kind of horror a place like this can do to this gown?" 

"Hey," Borgoff said defensively. "Don't get all angry at me. If you have to point any fingers, then do it at the one who caused all this mess." 

"Yeah, _Mashira_," Caroline said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, her eyes pointing daggers towards the other barbaroi. Mashira took up a defensive posture, his arms crossed and face pointed away from the rest of the group.

"I couldn't stand being kept out anymore," he muttered justifiably. "I hate it when I don't know what's going on." 

"But did you have to wreck the rover?" Benge asked incredulously, "_while_ it was still _moving_?!" 

"Yeah!" Grove's voice piped from the rover. He was still inside. "My IV almost got ripped out of my arm!" 

"Quit your whining, all of you," Meier broke in, his voice authoritative. Charlotte huddled close to him, her arms wrapped around his waist as she looked around at everyone coming to attention. "The damage's been done and arguing won't get us anywhere. We can do one of two things---one, see what can be done about the rover and get it back on its wheels, or two, hoof it the rest of the way to the resort." 

"I'm not walking in these heels," Carmila said defiantly as she lifted the skirt of her gown to show three-inch high pumps. 

"Grove can't hoof anything in his condition," Leila said, her head popping out the exposed door of the rover. "Unless some of you guys wouldn't mind carrying his bed . . ."

"I vote for the rover," Kyle said, raising a finger.

"Same goes for me," Benge said, grimacing at the thought of carrying a cry baby like Grove. 

"I won't have any trouble with that," Nolt said proudly. He strode over to the rover, giant hammer in hand. Nobody knew where he'd been keeping it. "I'll carry you anywhere you need to go, little bro'," he said confidently as he peered into the doorway, giving a thumbs-up sign for Grove to see as though for reassurance. 

"Oh, Nolt," Caroline purred as she joined him, wrapping her arms around one of his. Nolt visibly stiffened at her touch, obviously not knowing how to react. "You're so strong and sensitive . . . I'm with anything he does," she said quickly. 

"Borgoff?" Meier said, turning to him. 

"I don't want to leave the rover here," Borgoff stated, still turned away from the rest of the group as he stared off into the distance. 

"Okay . . . D?" 

The vampire hunter stood calm, cool and collected, his face hidden beneath the shadow of his large hat. Everyone turned towards him, waiting to hear his answer. 

"This never would have happened," he began placidly, "if we had taken the horses instead." 

"Oh, get off it already!" Carmila cried out, exasperated. "We didn't take the damn horses, so what's your damn vote, dhampire?"

"Sun's not looking good," Lefthand spoke up. "I don't want D running around with all this healthy sunshine and heat, if you get what I mean." 

"Yeah, it's not like I want to bury you again," Leila said from the rover. "I've got better things to do with my day . . . like finally getting to that resort." 

"I second that motion," Kyle said. 

"So the rover it is, then," Meier said, nodding his head in approval. "Let's get it turned over again, shall we?" 

"Hey!" Mashira interrupted. "How come I don't get a say in all this?"

"Because you're the reason why we have to say anything about it at all," Meier responded somewhat heatedly. Mashira grunted, but he gave in with a little muttering. 

"Fine," Leila said as she climbed back out of it. "Just be careful. Remember that Grove's still inside." 

"Why don't we just take him out, then?" Left-hand asked dubiously. Leila shrugged which only made the entity sigh in frustration. "Why do women always have to make things so damn difficult?" 

"What you just say?" Leila shouted, her eyes suddenly widening with outrage and anger, a battle aura now radiating from her body like red flashes of lethal lightning. 

"Nothing!" Left-hand cried out immediately. It moved itself around through the air in a desperate wave. "I didn't say anything! Promise!" 

"Coward," D murmured under his breath. 

"Hey, I'm the reason why you're still alive today, D," the hand muttered back, defensive. "Don't knack me." 

"Are all of you guys just going to stand there and let Nolt do it all by himself?" Caroline asked, her words edged with irritation as she watched her new love-conquest-to-be finding a good place to put his hands on the rover. 

"Nolt can take care of the job," Kyle said flippantly as he wrapped his arms behind his head. "He doesn't need any help from the rest of us." 

"I don't care!" Caroline shouted, her eyes suddenly flashing. "The rest of you boys had better get your asses over here and help, or I'll make sure that your bed springs have a personal meeting with your winkies tonight!" 

Every male in the group grudgingly obliged, each choosing a spot behind the rover and positioning themselves together so that each could lend a helping hand. 

"On the count of three," D said, bracing his back. "One . . . two . . . three!"

"The pressure!" Left-hand's muffled cry rang out over the grunts of the other men. It's face was being crushed directly into the edge of the rover's top, pressed down with enough force to flatten its nose. The men heaved to lift the heavy vehicle without disturbing Grove inside too much, raising it slowly as they listened to the metal moan and squeal in protest beneath their hands. In another few seconds, they managed to put the rover back into an upright position without causing the vehicle to move around any more than it needed to. 

"Hey, great job, guys!" Grove congratulated from inside. "I barely notice it moved!"

"Good for you," Benge breathed under his breath. Without really thinking about it, Benge reached into his void and pulled out a bottle of Power Ade. "Nothing quenches thirst better!" he said happily before downing the contents. 

"Hey, Benge, do you have any more of those?" Kyle asked as he wiped his forehead. "This heat's intense." 

"I've got a whole cooler packed away," Benge said as he pulled out a blue plastic tote. 

"What the hell!?" Mashira cried, taken aback. "You could've put all our stuff in your void, Benge! Then I wouldn't have been forced to ride out on the top!"

"What do I look like to you?" Benge asked haughtily, his eyes squinting. "A storage closet?"

Standing away from the rest of the group, D and Meier huddled together over the rover's exposed engine. Borgoff was watching them from behind. "How does it look, D?" Meier asked in private as D inspected the rover's engine while the others bickered in the background. "Is there anything damaged?"

After another moment, D sighed and shook his head. "No damage," he said, backing away, "but it looks like a few things are out of place."

"Kyle can take care of it," Borgoff said as he stepped up. "He said it himself that he can fix this thing inside and out . . . maybe I should cut the guy a break." 

"Later," Meier said, turning away. "First get the rover running again. Charlotte's beginning to chafe in all this heat." 

"Hey, Meier," Lefthand suddenly called out to the vampire before he could get away. It sounded slightly confused. "Why are you able to walk around in the sun with the rest of us?" 

No sooner than the words had left the hand's mouth then Meier suddenly burst into flame, becoming a human-like torch burning fiercely in the slight breeze.

"Damn it!" Meier cursed, turning back around to face D again with his burning eyes boring down at the hand. "It was mind over matter, you stupid parasite! As long as I don't remember that I burn in the sun's light, then I don't! You completely ruined it for me, you fool!" 

"Geez, sorry," the hand muttered as Meier turned sharply on his foot and marched away, leaving a trail of smoke behind him as he left. In a few moments, they could all hear Charlotte screaming and working to put the flames out. 

"Guess the same goes for Carmila," the hand said, it's voice taking on a slightly enthusiastic tone. "Hey, D, take me over to her, will ya'?"

"Hey, guys," Leila said as she approached them. "What's going on? Will the rover be able to run?" 

"It's as good as done as soon as we can get Kyle to stop eating the ice chips from Benge's cooler," Borgoff answered as he trailed off in Kyle's direction. Leila shaded her eyes with a hand so that she could get a better look at the sun. It hovered high and fierce, like a burning red globe set against a yellowing sky. 

"You feeling alright, D?" she asked nonchalantly, still studying the sky. D crossed his arms and ignored the question, choosing instead to loose himself in a meditative state. 

Leila noticed and felt her irritation beginning to get the better of her, but she quickly took rein of it and forced it down in resigned defeat. 

"Have it your way," she breathed as she walked back around the vehicle to see how Grove was doing. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~a half an hour later~~~~~~~~~

"It's so damn HOT!" Carmila cried out, enraged. "Why the hell was the one thing that got damaged was the air conditioner?!" 

The rover was plowing through the last of the desert and was about to enter the forested region that Borgoff had been eyeing earlier. 

"Shuddup," Borgoff said over his shoulder. "I'm the only one with a right to be mad as hell . . . that air conditioner was brand new, damn it! Besides . . . we'll be out of the heat in another few minutes. You can enjoy the breeze until then." 

"It doesn't help with Mashira's big ass blocking the hole," she retorted, reaching up to jam her fan into Mashira's buttocks. 

"Stop it, or I'll bite your hand off!" Mashira shouted from overhead. 

Carmila turned her eyes on Meier who had managed to extinguish himself before getting back into the rover. He was seated in the back as he had been before, taking comfort in the shadow it gave. He looked like he normally did, only he was charred almost completely black. 

"What the hell happened to you?" Carmila asked in a low voice, more curious than concerned. Charlotte let out a nervous titter.

"Oh, he just had a little accident," she answered for Meier before he could speak. "Nothing that an hour won't cure." 

"Hmm." Carmila was about to ask another question, but then thought better of it and turned her attention back to her fan. Across from her, Lefthand coughed.

"You know, Carmila," it started, somewhat amiably. D quickly clenched his hand into a fist, shutting it up instantly. He wasn't in the mood to deal with another torch sitting right across from him. 


	3. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

The tank-like rover dodged the widely-gapped trees with ease, going at a steady pace over the leafy ground. Breaks in the foliage of the branches and leaves above let in scattered rays of light that decorated the forest in a haze of light beams, highlighting the tiny particles that floated through the air in lazy disregard. 

Mashira took in a deep breath, enjoying the clean, sweet air and actually beginning to appreciate being stuck out on top of the rover. It was cool within the forest in sharp contrast to the blazing desert that they'd left behind only a few hours ago. Mashira could hear the sounds of birds singing as they flitted from one branch to another, each wonder of nature full of life and luster and joy. 

Inside, mostly everyone had become too bored for any more conversation. Kyle and Benge involved themselves in a game of Connect Four set up over some of Carmila's folds, just one of the board games that Benge had packed away in case of just such a situation. Caroline had fallen asleep against Nolt, her beautiful face peaceful and serene while Nolt's was stoically apprehensive. Grove watched the view that managed to be avoided by Mashira's backside sitting over half of the hole, and Carmila kept herself busy by filing her nails. Meier and Charlotte were dozing together in the back, and D was lost in deep meditation. 

Nobody noticed the whispering being swapped back and forth between Borgoff and Leila up front---his words stubborn and tight while hers were worried and apprehensive. 

"We're lost, Borgoff," Leila whispered again as she watched the scenery spread out in front of them. "I know I saw that tree before." 

"Hell you did," Borgoff muttered. "You can't recognize one tree from another in this place. You're just making it up, Leila. It's all in your head." 

Leila could feel her face tighten into an irritated frown. "You know me better than that, Borgoff, and you know that when I say something, I never make it up. I know I saw that tree before. It's bent at a deeper angle than any of the others." 

"Look, I know where we're going."

"So do I. Everybody here knows where we're going." 

"I meant that I know _where we are _so that we can _get to _where we're going." 

Leila snorted. "And I know that we're lost . . . c'mon, Borgoff. We've been running around in this forest for hours. It doesn't take this long to get to the resort from here. I told you not to get off the road." 

"This was a short cut," Borgoff said defensively. "I had a plan."

"Right," Leila smirked. "And that plan's gotten us lost. We'll find ourselves in a ditch first before we get to the resort." 

"Shaddup."

"What you just say?"

"Hey," Kyle's voice suddenly broke in. Borgoff and Leila both ducked their heads, afraid that they were overheard. "What're you two talking about over there?" Kyle asked, his voice flat with boredom. Leila slowly turned her head around so that she could look back over her shoulder. Benge and Kyle were both staring at her and Borgoff, their eyes droopy but watchful. If any of the other passengers were paying attention to Kyle's question, they weren't showing it. 

"We're just admiring the scenery," Leila answered with a casual lilt, but she knew that the excuse sounded lame the moment she said it. Kyle cocked a single eyebrow, his bland expression otherwise unmoved. 

"You sure that that's it?" he asked informally, but his tone sounded slightly skeptical. Benge only snorted and resumed his turn in the game, having lost all interest, and continued studying the yellow frame with concentrated intensity as he tried to spot a good opening to stick his piece into. Borgoff coughed, drawing Kyle's attention away from Leila. 

"We're sure," Borgoff said huskily. "Now get back to your game, Kyle." 

"Hmph," Kyle grunted, one eye twitching. "You two are always talking and leaving me and Nolt out of it . . . is there something going on between the two of you?" 

"What?" Leila said, slightly taken aback by the implication---then quickly snapping out of it with a flash of put-out anger. "Kyle, do what Borgoff says and get back to your game. Whatever me and Borgoff talk about in private is none of your damn business." 

"Fine," Kyle said with casual flick of his wrist as he turned back to the game. "But you know that it'll all come back to haunt you guys later . . . hey! Benge, I know you've been cheating! Those two pieces weren't there just a minute ago!"

"Yes, they were!" Benge shot back with an air of indignant bravado. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kyle. Seems to me that you're just trying to win a game by default." 

Leila, newly fueled by the outrage that Kyle had extracted from her, whipped her head back to Borgoff and laid a heavy hand against his shoulder. She pressed her fingers against his flesh, keeping the touch soft enough not to cause pain but strong enough to let him know that that could all change. 

"We're lost, Borgoff," she hissed into his ear, "and if you don't start following the map _right now_, I'm going to tell the others and you can be the one to straighten out the mess _that's_ going to cause . . . do you got me?" She could feel Borgoff's shoulder stiffen beneath her hand with each word and continue to tense even after she finished talking. His muscle almost rippled with infuriation and, just when she thought he was going to explode, his body suddenly deflated. 

"Fine," he muttered, defeated. "Where's the damn map?"

"That's a good boy." 

Just then, D's eyes suddenly flew open, alert and sharp. He quickly reached for the sword strapped to his back as he shot up from his seat, surprising everyone. 

"Hit the deck!" the hand cried out, sensing the same thing that had knocked D from his meditative state. But no one had time to react. 

The rover was suddenly hit with a force that knocked it from its wheels, shooting it high into the sky and then over a mass of forest area. Mashira had been cast away immediately by the impact, tossed almost precariously into an abundance of overgrowth that hid the forest floor by a cluster of trees. A good distance away from him, the rover landed unceremoniously among another cluster of trees, snapping branches and shoots as it crushed down with its weight. It teetered a couple of times before it finally settled on all of its wheels, making metallic creaking noise as if to complain at having been thrown around. Inside, there was a moment of shocked silence . . . 

"What the hell just happened!" Carmila roared from beneath the folds of her gown, working furiously to find her way back out into open air. Everyone else laid in tangles around her, some hopelessly trapped within her gown while others just lay on top of one another. 

"Damn it!" Borgoff shouted, banging the wheel with an angry fist. "What the hell's everyone's problem today?! Is everyone out to get my rover?" 

"Grove, are you okay?" Leila's voice called out from somewhere beneath more folds.

"Fine," everyone heard him sigh off to the right. "Damn, I'm tired of this." 

"How's everyone else?" Leila asked as she managed to find freedom. There were murmurs to acknowledge her call for roll---some confused, all angry. Leila did a silent toll in her head, counting off each voice as she heard them. There was three that she didn't hear at all. 

"D? Meier? Charlotte?" 

Silence. 

Leila looked around desperately, fearing the worst . . . but they were nowhere to be found. 

Outside, D stood placidly about ten feet away from the left side of the rover, his back turned to it as he faced the one responsible for the attack. His sword was completely drawn now, the length of the silvery blade still gleaming even beneath the shaded canopy of the forest. Hovering overhead, Meier watched the scene unfolding below, his precious Charlotte cradled tightly in his arms as she, too, looked on in bewildered shock. 

D was aware of how quiet it had suddenly become in the forest. Even the air seemed to still itself in apprehension of the current moment, calm and unmoving. The sound of the birds had completely disappeared, almost as though they had been swallowed by an abyss of nothingness. 

Nothing shifted . . .

Nothing stirred . . .

_Whooooosh-cachank!!_

"D! WHERE THE HELL ARE---oh." 

Behind him, Leila blinked in confusion from within the open hatchway of the rover, slightly abashed at finding D standing in perfect condition only a few feet away from her. He hadn't even turned around to acknowledge her, his attention raptly focused on something in front of him that she couldn't see because he was standing in her direct line of vision. 

Then she noticed his drawn sword and quickly drew out her own blaster. 

Making a barely audible grunt as she leaped from the rover, Leila lithely strode over to D's right-hand side so that she could get a good look at who had attacked them---then recoiled in shock when her eyes feel on the one responsible. 

"What the---" Her words caught in her throat, her disbelief completely taking over. 

"Oh, HEEELLLLL, no!" Caroline's voice suddenly cracked through the air from behind them both. She was now kneeled down where Leila had been standing only a moment before, bristling at the feel of the familiar presence that she had known for years. Benge was standing over her, his own hands clenched into tight fists of outrage as he sensed the same thing. 

A loud, cackling laugh resounded throughout the forest. It echoed and vibrated against every surface, making Kyle and Nolt moan simultaneously in disgust as they both recognized the horrible sound, even though they were still lost in Carmilla's gown. 

"Not him," Nolt groaned. "Anyone but him." 

But it was. The spokes of the wheel gleamed almost as brilliantly as D's sword, supporting the light weight of a single old man. He continued to cackle in pleasure, enjoying the small victory of surprise that he had managed to take full advantage of. His amusement was clear in his stony, gray eyes, large and almost pupil-less coins set into a drooping brow of age. 

"Old Leader of the Barbarois," Meier called from above. His voice was calm and smooth. "What is the meaning of this?" The old man's laughter stopped abruptly, his mocking eyes suddenly full of rage and fury. 

"What is the meaning of this?!" the old man repeated in outrage, his amusement quickly replaced by bitter resentment. He pointed a long, bony finger up at him, and then swept it at length around at the rest of the group as they all piled out of the rover one at a time. 

"You left a poor old man behind is 'what is the meaning of this!'" he shouted. "I indeed delighted at the idea of being able to soothe my tired old muscles---yes---but turn I did to find that I have been discarded!" 

"How did you find out that we were going to a hot spring resort?" Leila asked as she replaced her blaster. 

"That matters not," the old barbaroi said haughtily as he turned up his nose and folded his hands back into the sleeves of his coat. "The point still remains that you were with knowledge and purposely withheld it from me. What a cruel thing to do to a poor old man . . ." 

"Poor old man, my ass," Caroline huffed, stepping up in front of everyone---including D. She pointed a slender finger of her own. "You're a perverted lech, old man, and nobody---_nobody_---would have been safe from you once we got there." 

"Oh, Caroline," the old barbaroi said slyly in mock hurt. "Surely you don't believe that of me? Come, child, I have been nothing but candid in all of my undertakings." 

"Yeah, just like that petty little attack of yours just a minute ago, right?" 

"I cannot be blamed for that trifle, Caroline. It is you and the rest of you ingrates that have wronged me, not I you."

"What a load of bull," Kyle sniffed as he flexed an arm. Then he suddenly smiled. "You did catch us by surprise, old man, I'll give you that," he continued almost admirably. "Can't say that I'm bored anymore." 

"Kyle, why the hell are you praising this old goat?" Caroline fumed. She darted around D and grabbed Kyle by his cuffs, pushing her face into his. "Don't you know what kind of trouble he can cause us, you idiot?" 

"Yeah, he's nothing but trouble," Benge muttered in agreement as he glared forward. 

"Is that any way for the two of you to speak of your leader?" the old man asked with scandalized boastfulness. 

"We're on vacation," Caroline piped over her shoulder. "While on vacation, there is no leader." 

"Old man," Carmila suddenly interjected, gracefully stepping forward from the rover. "If there has been any damage done to my gown, you can expect a bill for its full restoration later." 

"My apologies, m' lady," the old man said with a hint of reverence, slightly bowing his head in respect, "and 'tis a pity that I must involve you in the squabble at hand." Slowly, he straightened himself up from his unicycle and raised his right hand up over his head. A ball of energy gradually appeared and began to grow in his outstretched palm, balanced over his hand as he gazed at all of them with evil intent glinting in his pale eyes. Everybody tensed and set themselves into fighting stances with only D, Meier, and Carmila remaining calm and unmoved by the old man's display of violence. 

"You will all pay for leaving me behind," the old man said loudly with affronted pride. "Prepare to die!---w-what?"

The old man was suddenly lifted into the air by his outstretched arm, leaving the unicycle unmanned and abandoned. It fell over with an empty thud against the soft ground, useless without its rider. 

"Let me go, you beast!" the old man cried out indignantly, fighting hard to break free of Mashira's grasp on his wrist. The wolfish barbaroi had managed to sneak up behind the old man unnoticed, even by the rest of the group with the exception of D and the other vampires. He held on to the old man with ease, his arm barely moving despite all of his leader(?)'s struggling. 

"You're not so tough without your wheel to help you, now are you, old man?" Mashira asked with a smirk. 

"Wheel?" Leila said dubiously. 

"The old man's source of power," Benge explained with an air of resigned boredom. "Without it, he's harmless." 

A sudden bellow coming from behind the rover made everyone turn as one to look back to find its source. 

"What I tell ya'?" Borgoff exclaimed again, his happy pride resonating in his voice. "See, Leila? I told you that I'd find that damned resort on my own without that stupid map!" 

"What? Borgoff, what're yo---" Leila stopped as she stepped around the rover to its other side, noticing for the first time the edge of a cliff breaking away from the forest floor a few feet from the rover. It was well hidden by a cluster of trees, an easy thing to miss unless you were paying close attention. Sitting like a dream straight out from a painting, the resort was planted at the bottom of the cliff just a little ways out from its base, a picturesque setting surrounding all four of its sides. 

A beautiful rainbow arched high over the entire place. 


	4. Flippin For Fun

"But I want to stay with Nolt!" Caroline cried woefully, holding on as tightly as she could to Nolt's right arm. Leila had her own arms wrapped around the barbaroi woman's waist from behind, trying to pry Caroline away from Nolt, but without much success.

"You can't!" Leila said through clenched teeth as she heaved again. She was slightly out of breath and her face was beginning to turn red from exertion. "This is a resort, Caroline! There's no way in hell anyone's going to let you go into the male's side! Stop embarrassing yourself!" 

The others in the group tried to ignore what was going on by pretending to study the walls, the floor, the ceiling. They didn't know what else to do. 

It'd been almost an hour since they'd arrived at the resort and checked into their rooms. After unpacking their things, Charlotte had suggested that they take a leisurely dip into the hot springs to help relax their travel-worn muscles, and they'd all agreed---

---but Caroline hadn't wanted to leave Nolt's side, and Leila wasn't about to let her get her way. Nolt stood as still and stony as a statue, his eyes shadowed and unreadable. He wasn't about to let himself get involved with a squabble between two women, and chose instead to follow everyone else's example . . . he just acted like nothing was going on. 

"C'mon!!" Leila demanded, her face beginning to contort as she heaved with her strongest pull yet. 

"No!" Caroline said, her voice just as tight as she strengthened her hold around Nolt's arm. In a fit of frustration, Leila let go of the Caroline's waist and reached down for the other woman's feet instead. She jerked hard at Caroline's legs, bending her own body at a sharp angle so that she would have much more leverage. Caroline was lifted straight up into the air, her body now parallel with the floor as Leila continued to pull at her ankles. She didn't seem to notice her sudden elevation, though, and kept her arms locked around Nolt's arm. Benge suddenly yawned, tired of counting the fibers in the wooden walls. 

"Caroline," he started, "just go over to the women's side, already. I didn't come all the way here just to spend my whole vacation waiting out in the hall." 

"Then go in by yourself!" Caroline snapped at him. "Nobody's forcing you to wait!" 

"Fine," Benge huffed. "You're damn right I don't have to wait for you. I'm going in. The rest of you and Tinkerbell can stay out here if you want, but I'm not waiting anymore." 

"Shut up with the Tinkerbell already!" Grove shouted from the back of the group, trying hard to stretch his neck around the others so that he could glare at Benge from his wheelchair. 

Benge ignored him and strolled away from the group, heading into the open door leading into the men's baths. After exchanging a few looks with one another, everyone else shrugged their shoulders and followed suit, the men trailing into the men's room and Carmila into the women's room. Charlotte remained behind to keep watch over Nolt, Leila, and Caroline. Once everyone were gone, Leila finally sighed and stopped pulling. 

"C'mon now," Leila said, sounding a little defeated as she let go of the Caroline's ankles. Caroline's body thumped to the floor since Leila wasn't holding her up anymore, but she continued to cling to Nolt. "There's no point in trying to follow Nolt everywhere he goes," Leila continued as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're only making things more difficult than they have to be." 

Caroline grunted, but she didn't say a word. Leila sighed again, raising her right hand up to rub her brow. She was tired of fighting, and just wanted to enjoy the hot springs. 

Sensing her cue, Charlotte suddenly approached Caroline and knelt down beside the barbaroi woman. A gentle smile lighted her beautiful face as she laid a graceful hand down against Charlotte's back. Leila watched on in silence, leaving Caroline in Charlotte's convincing hands. 

"Caroline," Charlotte said softly in a reassuring voice, "Nolt's not going anywhere. He's going to be right next to us on the men's side of the hot spring. Since the hot spring we'll be bathing in is sectioned off from the men's side by a bamboo wall, you'll actually be sharing the same spring with Nolt, using the same water. That should be good enough for now, right?"

Caroline stared at Charlotte for a moment, thinking carefully about what the other woman said. After another moment, she realized just how worried Charlotte was, and she didn't want to hurt the rare sweetness. Slowly, she released her grip on Nolt's arm, but she made a silent promise to herself to reattach herself as soon as she could. Nolt's body suddenly relaxed, relieved of all of the tension that the situation had caused. As Caroline picked herself off of the floor, Nolt casually disappeared into the men's room, having said nothing throughout the entire ordeal. Caroline watched in wistful desire, then shook herself and turned back to Leila and Charlotte.

"So what's taking you two so long?" she said as though nothing had ever happened. "We're not going to leave the spring completely to Carmila, now are we?" 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, what're you two doing?" Meier asked pointedly as he watched Benge and Kyle heading directly for the spring. They were both already undressed and wrapped with towels---but Benge was still wearing his hood and makeup. The two of them stopped in their tracks at the sound of Meier's voice from behind them, hearing the repulsion that laced his words. 

"Well what does it look like we're doing?" Kyle asked dubiously, looking over his shoulder. "We're going to hunker down in the spring." Meier arched a graceful eyebrow, accentuating his disgusted expression.

"Without washing first?" Meier responded, his look reproachful. 

Kyle and Benge exchanged looks before sighing in resignation and turning back to the men's baths. Meier continued to watch them until he was sure that they wouldn't try to backtrack again. After a minute or two, he snorted to himself in satisfaction, then headed back through the baths and into the locker room to finish disrobing. 

"Can you believe that guy?" Kyle muttered under his breath as he watched Meier passing through. "I feel like I've just been scolded by my own mother." 

"Tell me about it," Benge muttered back as he seated himself down on a stool. 

"You have a mother?" Kyle asked, genuinely surprised. Benge threw him a dirty look. 

"Hey, guys," Nolt said, seating himself down by a sink next to their own. Kyle grinned, a wry twist of his lips that made Nolt pause. 

"So I see that you've finally managed to get away from Caroline," Kyle started, his mocking tone drawing a smile from Benge who was quick to join in.

"You know she's a man-eater, Nolt," Benge said casually. "Once she gets tired of one, her face'll be the last thing he'll ever see." 

"Shut up," Nolt snapped, his voice a low rumble in his throat. "Caroline's not so bad. Just back off."

"What?" Kyle said, stunned for a moment---but he quickly recovered and smiled again, even more mischievously. "I see," he continued in a smooth voice. "So it's already started." 

"What's started?" Nolt asked, suspicious. Benge shrugged and took up a bar of soap, rubbing the cake against a course wash cloth. 

"First she gets you to let your guard down," Benge said as he swung the cloth around to start scrubbing his back. "Then she goes in for the kill." 

"You're already falling under her spell," Kyle interjected, filling a bucket with some water from the sink. Once full, he picked it up and poured the liquid over his shoulder, the water washing over his entire torso in a single splash. "I give it 'til the end of the day before it's all over for you."

"You guys are stupid if you think I'd fall for something like that," Nolt said, quietly brushing them off. "Spells and stuff . . . what a bunch of crap."

"Didn't you just try to defend her?" Kyle continued to argue, again filling the bucket. 

"So? What of it?"

"That's her influence, man." 

"And you don't think that it could be because I like Caroline, too?"

"Do you?" 

Both Kyle and Benge paused to stare at Nolt as the bigger man blushed, too embarrassed to trust himself to give a coherent answer. He coughed instead and turned his back on them, proceeding to douse his head with shampoo.

"Nolt," Kyle said knowingly. "You don't have any hair." 

"Wait a minute," Benge said, suddenly holding up his hand. Kyle and Nolt both stared at him as he cocked his head as if listening for something. After a while, he threw them both a concerned look. "Have you seen the old man?" 

Kyle stopped, only now remembering that they had brought the Leader of the Barbarois with them after the old man had thrashed them earlier. 

"I don't remember seeing him after we all checked in," he said thoughtfully. "Why?"

Benge was about to say something, but then stopped and just shrugged his shoulders. "It won't be our problem . . . it's those pretty boys and the women on the other side who've got something to worry about." 

On the other side of washing wall, Borgoff, Mashira, and Grove sat in a straight line, each one silently washing by their own sinks. Mashira was barely recognizable, completely covered in soapy lather all over the entire length of his body. 

"Hey, Borgoff," Grove said from the other side of Mashira. Grove had his back propped up against the washing wall. "Can you pass me the shampoo? My bottle's all out." 

Borgoff grunted and handed his bottle to Mashira who then handed it to Grove.

"Thanks," Grove said appreciatively. 

A few minutes later, Meier joined them on the farthest end of the wall. The others continued to scrub and wash without noticing the vampire.

Borgoff was the first to smell it. 

"Jasmine?" he said, sniffing the air. Slowly, he turned his head at an angle towards Meier who sat right next to him, still sniffing the scent of Jasmine that was coming from the vampire. Meier was busily rubbing himself all over with some kind of oil that Borgoff assumed came from the bottle made of fine crystal set down beside him. He continued to stare at Meier until the vampire finally felt the weight of Borgoff's eyes on him. 

"What?" Meier asked, slightly irritated, as he returned Borgoff's stare. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Borgoff asked in a low, disbelieving tone. Meier grunted, slighted. 

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" he retorted. "I'm rubbing a special cleansing oil on my body, and then I'm going to scrape it off with a blade." 

"Why would you want to do that?" Mashira asked, his voice sounding a little bubbly. He and Grove had been eavesdropping, having sensed that something was going on between Borgoff and Meier. Mashira was now an unrecognizable pillar of lathered soap with only his eyes visible behind it. They questioned Meier, now, dubious and critical. 

"Because it's the best way to get off the sweat and grime of the day," Meier answered flippantly. "The oil soaks it all up, and then all you have to do is scrape it off. That's how the ancient Romans did it back in the day." 

Borgoff snorted and reached down for his back scrubber. He lifted it in front of Meier along with a bar of Ivory soap. "These are what men use to clean themselves," he said slowly, his eyes fixed on the vampire. "It's all we need . . . none of that prissy stuff that you're using." 

Meier didn't even glance at Borgoff's brush and soap, but continued to stare down at the other man with unwavering eyes. Mashira and Grove remained quiet as they watched the silent battle of wills taking place between their two comrades. Finally, Meier slowly reached down and pulled up a long knife that looked strikingly similar to a shaving blade. Then he slid it beside Borgoff's brush, the beige and worn bristles dulled by the gleam of the blade's sharp edge. 

"Tell me again which is the man's tool," Meier said softly, his eyes hard and challenging. Borgoff looked down and compared the two instruments carefully. After some thought, he quietly turned away and began to lather his brush with soap without answering Meier's question. The vampire returned to what he was doing, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. 

"Jasmine oil," Borgoff muttered, almost as though it were an afterthought. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mmmm," Leila breathed contently. She sunk even lower into the warmth of the water, breathing in the sharp, sweet scent of the spring's natural minerals. "This is so nice." 

"It's decent," Carmila murmured, her back leaning up against a large boulder centered in the middle of the spring. "Not as good as others I've visited in the past, but this one stands up for good measure." 

"It's heaven," Charlotte sighed, rubbing a soft cloth against the side of her face. Her face was flushed from the heat of the water, giving her skin a beautiful, rosy glow. Caroline barely noticed the talk of the other women as she gazed longingly at the bamboo wall lining the far side of the spring. It began at the resort building and ended about fifty feet down, stopping abruptly before it could completely divide the spring in two. 

Thanks to the trees that surrounded the springs, a grayish haze hovered in the air, an atmosphere of evaporated spring water so thick that no real sunlight could pierce through it. 

All was calm, lazy, and serene . . . except for a slight movement of shadow over by some bushes nearby. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"YEEEHAAAH!!" 

There was a loud splash as Kyle jumped into the spring, leaping as hard and far as he could. The towel from around his waste came undone while he was still flying through midair, but it didn't fall completely away until after he'd landed waste deep in the warm, rich water. 

"AHHHH!!" he sighed loudly as he kneeled down so that the water came up to his neck. "The water's perfect." His bluish towel was suddenly flung onto his face. "Hey!"

"Put that back on," Borgoff said as he sat himself down a few feet away. "Nobody wants to look at your pecker." 

"Sounds like you're jealous, Borgoff," Kyle said with a mocking smile as he removed the towel from his face. Borgoff ignored him. Benge had joined Mashira near one of the rock edges of the spring while Nolt lowered Grove into the shallowest end. 

"I can feel my muscles melting already," Grove said as he settled in. "This is a good spring. Good therapy for the body." 

"Hey," Kyle said, looking around. "Where's Meier and D?" 

"I'm just coming," Meier said, walking out onto the deck that edged the spring. "D's still washing inside." 

"Wouldn't take so damn long if you both just used a scrub brush," Borgoff muttered to himself. 

If Meier heard, he ignored it. He stepped down into the spring and settled against the patio, splaying his arms out across its length, resting his head back with his eyes closed. 

Everyone sat in silence for quite some time, enjoying the tranquility of the hot spring. The steam rising from the mineral water soon had their faces flushed and relaxed, each becoming almost completely lost in repose. 

Nobody kept track of the time, but it was a while before D finally joined them. He came out of the men's washroom, just as naked as the rest of the men but for the black towel wrapped around his own waist. 

"Why does everything you own have to be black?" the hand muttered as D stepped into the spring. "The resort provides you with clean towels, D. It's tacky to bring your own." 

"Quiet, or I'll drown you in the spring," D said placidly as he sat down near Meier. 

"Do it and I'll suck the whole thing in and ruin everybody's day." 

Kyle opened his eyes and looked at D, his lids slightly drooped. He studied D, noticing a few things that had him staring even harder. "You know," he said after a while, "you can take your hat off while you're in the spring, D."

"I like this hat," D responded indifferently. Kyle straightened, his stubborn curiosity now piqued and unwilling to get blown off.

"I've never seen you without that hat," he said suspiciously. "C'mon. Take it off. I want to know what you look like without it." 

"No." 

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to." 

"Ah, c'mon." 

"Oh, let it be," Meier suddenly cut in, his voice lilting, his eyes still closed. "It's not important.

"No, I think Kyle's got a point," Borgoff interjected, also sitting up. "Hey, D. No one's here but us men. Just take the damn hat off and let's see what you've got hiding under there." 

"I'm not hiding anything," D said quietly.

"Then why don't you ever take off that hat? Damn, seems like no matter what we do, that hat doesn't ever come off. Do you have it stapled to your head, or something?"

"That's none of your business." 

Now the others were raptly focused on the D. Even Meier popped an eye open to throw a look over in D's direction, unable to hide his own curiosity. 

D ignored them and closed his eyes in meditation, making Kyle slap the water in annoyance. 

"Take off the damn hat!" he yelled. 

Silence.

"Take it off, or I'll come over and take it off myself!"  
"Just try it," D murmured, unaffected. 

Benge suddenly stood before Kyle had the chance to respond, the barbaroi's sudden movement drawing all eyes on him. He held out his right hand which was clutching a fistful of matches. 

*What he was doing with matches in a hot spring is anybody's guess.*

"This a challenge to all those who claim to be men," Benge announced in a booming voice. "All those who wish to participate must take a match stick from my fist. Whoever draws the one without a head gets the honor of swiping the hat from D's head. Does anyone here wish to take up the challenge that only real men would dare?"


	5. Hot For Hotties

"So who's up for the challenge?" Benge demanded in a wry voice, his eyes quirked as if to mock anyone who wouldn't give it a try. Kyle and Borgoff stood immediately, approaching Benge with determined looks on their faces. Kyle pulled first, then cursed when the match he pulled out still had its head. He plopped back down into the water, obviously disappointed. Borgoff pulled next without any more luck, but he just blew out some air and left the matter alone with a shrug of his shoulder. 

Benge looked around at the rest of the group, looking at each man with a scrutinizing eye. 

"Well, c'mon," he urged. "I don't have anymore takers? Who wouldn't like the chance to take D's hat from him?"

The hand snorted, slightly disgruntled. 

"You know that it doesn't help that you've announced that right in front of him," it commented dryly. "You won't be able to take him by surprise, and that would've been your only chance. Just forget about it." 

Benge ignored it, splaying out his arms in question to the others. "Are you all _afraid_?" he asked in derision. "I'm not afraid . . . watch." He slowly brought his left arm around in pinwheel fashion, bringing it up over his head and then down again over to his other outstretched arm. Without looking, he quickly plucked a match from his fist. 

It still had its head.

"See?" Benge said, flicking the match away. "I did it . . . who else would like to try?" 

"C'mon, Benge," Mashira piped skeptically. "You expect us to believe that you don't have the matches fixed?"

"Afraid, wolfy?" Benge asked slyly, unperturbed by Mashira's accusation. Mashira's face lit up with outrage, but instead of hurling another insult, he launched out of the water and landed in front of Benge, making the other barbaroi take a step back in surprise. The two of them eyed each other for a moment before Mashira slowly reached out and took a match stick. 

It's head was still intact. 

"See, not hard, now was it?" Benge said for the benefit of the others. "Hey, Tinkerbell, care to give it a go?"

"I told you to stop calling me that!"  
"Quit your foolin'," Borgoff said with an edge to his voice. "You know that Grove can't take your stupid challenge." 

"Borgoff, back off," Grove piped. "Benge, get over here and I'll pick one of your stupid matches." 

"Fine." 

Once Benge stood no more than a foot from Grove's side, he crouched down low enough for him to pick a match. It came out with a head, too. 

"Now will the rest of you look at that?" Benge said as he laid a hand on Grove's shoulder. "Even _Tinkerbell_ was willing to take the chance."

"Stop calling me that!" 

"Oh, for heaven's sakes," Meier said in annoyance. He stood up and glared around at the others before flicking his stare at Benge. "None of you would ever have a chance at getting the job done alone. Benge, just so that we can get this ridiculous subject out of the way, bring your ass over here." 

"Here you go, oh, fearless leader," Benge said, holding out his fist as he bowed. Only two match sticks remained. Meier looked at them for a second, then picked one.

It still had its head.

Everyone turned to the only person left who hadn't picked a match stick yet.

Nolt. 

The big man was turned away from the rest of the group. He was seated on a boulder that was set a little ways away from the main wading area, his back turned to them. He was muttering to himself about something and didn't seem to notice when it suddenly became silent. After a while, though, he realized that he was being watched. Nolt threw a tentative look over his shoulder---then felt his body tense once he saw everyone staring at him with strange looks in their eyes.

"What?" he asked them, bewildered. "What the hell are you guys staring at?" Another beat of silence.

"Nolt," Kyle began quietly, his voice laced with disbelief, "haven't you been paying attention to what's been going on?" 

"Sorry," Nolt apologized as he shook his head. He twisted his bulk around so that he could face the others without craning his neck. "I was busy wondering about how trees felt when you cut them down. Then it got me thinking that if they could scream like people can, we wouldn't be cutting any of them down at all, now would we? . . . unless maybe you were some kind of psycho sadist, but those kind of people are in a different league all their own." 

There was a moment of pause and silence as everyone took that in, then Kyle cleared his throat. 

"Nolt, we were just picking match sticks to see who would get to take D's hat from his head. You're the last one, and you've got the last match stick. The rest of us all lost which only leaves you, but before we can make it official, you've got to pull the match stick from Benge's hand." 

"Oh." Nolt thought about it, then shrugged. "Why not? I was getting kind of bored anyway." He got up and approached Benge. Benge held out his fist with the remaining matchstick still clutched in it, leaving it to Nolt to finally pluck. With everyone watching---except for D because he didn't really give a damn---Nolt pulled out the last match stick. 

It still had its head.

"Benge, what the hell!" Kyle cried out incredulously. Benge peered down at the last match stick still propped in between Nolt's fingers. He let out a sheepish laugh. 

"Sorry," he apologized with a stupid grin. "I kind of forgot to break off one of the heads." 

"I'm sick of this," Kyle muttered, frustrated. He threw another glance at D, watching as the dhampire just ignored the rest of them. A stubborn resolve suddenly erupted inside of Kyle, and he decided then that he wasn't going to let anything by him without a good fight. He stood up and looked around at the others, his eyes gleaming with heated fervor. "I say that we take D's hat together!" he yelled with determination, pumping his fist into the air. "Who's with me!?" 

Caught up in Kyle's enthusiasm, most of the other men stood in unison to let out yells of agreement, their war cry echoing out into the peaceful atmosphere before they all suddenly launched towards D. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What do you suppose the guys' are doing right now?" Caroline asked wistfully in a voice filled with longing. She had stopped gazing at the fence and had joined the rest of the women in their talk, but every now and then she could be caught throwing a look back over at the wall. 

"The _guys_?" Leila said, her eyebrow tweaking slightly. "Aren't you just talking about one guy, Caroline.?" The barbaroi woman only shrugged and leaned back against the boulder. 

"Does it matter, honey?" she murmured, closing her eyes. "I bet everyone here has their minds wondering about a particular man over there." 

"It's not hard to guess who Charlotte's thinking about," Carmila said quietly, her voice barely containing any emotion. Charlotte ducked her head and blushed profusely which somehow only made her look all the more charming. 

"I can't help that," she said meekly, very embarrassed. "Meier and I've been through a lot together, and I love him very much." 

"And it has nothing to do with the fact that he's gorgeous, huh?" Leila asked skeptically. Charlotte's blush reddened into a deep shade of crimson, something that the other women hadn't missed. 

"Oh, stop it," Charlotte demanded, trying to hide her embarrassment by a mask of seriousness. She turned her head away, closing her eyes as if to ignore Leila---but then she opened them again, her face thoughtful.

"You . . . you really think that Meier's gorgeous?" she asked tentatively. 

"Where the hell you've been, Charlotte?" Leila asked, slightly surprised by the unusual question. "Meier's the kind of guy that'll bring old ladies back from the dead just to have a chance at him." 

"You really think so?" Charlotte asked, her face brightening at the new perspective. 

"You've got to be blind not to think so." 

"Huh." 

"Well what about D?" Caroline suddenly interjected, making the other women turn their eyes on her. "He's pretty nice to look at with that long, dark hair of his and those beautiful gray eyes." 

"Don't remind me," Carmila said, a little irritated. "I hate it when a man looks more beautiful then myself. Do you realize how much work I have to put in just to look the way I do? And all he does is go around slaying vampires . . . that crack whore." 

"Hey, vampire hunting isn't that easy," Leila piped up, defensive. "It's hard work with all of the fighting and running around you've got to do." 

"That's my point," Carmila said. "He goes around literally getting his hands dirty, and what does he have to show for it? Perfectly smooth skin, unblemished hands and fingernails, hair without split-ends . . . it makes me sick. I bet he's never even had a full-body makeover before." 

"Sick or not," Leila responded as she gave in to Carmila's quiet rant, "he's still a cutie." 

"_Mm_-hmm," Caroline agreed. 

"Well then," Carmila said, a sly smile pulling at her sharply red lips. "Who do you two think looks better? Meier, or D?"

"What about me, Carmila?" Charlotte asked, looking slightly hurt. 

"You don't count, dear," Carmila said gently. "You have your heart set on Meier, and so your judgment is biased. Personally, I think that they equate each other. Meier has his physical good points as do D." Charlotte thought about it for a moment, and then nodded her assent. 

"Well, if I'm going to put it to a vote," Leila said thoughtfully, "I'd have to say that D is the winner in my books. He has that tall, dark, and handsome thing going on that really catches the eye." 

Caroline snorted. "My vote's on Meier," she purred. "His white hair's unusual and I like the way he has it styled. Very classy, but masculine at the same time. He's got good taste in clothes, too . . . unlike D."

"I think D looks sexy in that skin-tight body armor of his," Leila commented defensively. "You can really make out all of his muscles." 

"Yeah, but Meier's physique is pretty good, too," Caroline pointed out, "even with his clothes completely covering him up. And those deep, red eyes . . ."

"Those kind of creep me out," Leila said. "Don't get me wrong, they suit Meier. I just prefer a more natural color." 

"Come, ladies," Carmila interjected. "You've only pointed out their differences. What of their similarities?" 

"The eyelashes," both women answered in harmony.

"Hmm," Carmila hummed. "Anything else?"

"Well," Leila murmured, her face contorting as she fought for more examples. "They both have artistic features," she said slowly. "High cheek bones, pouty lips, straight noses . . ."

Suddenly becoming bored with the conversation, Caroline grunted and stretched. 

"Personal style and taste aside," she purred flippantly, "they both are nice to look at just for the hell of it . . . but I'll choose Nolt over either one of them any day." 

"You barely know the guy," Leila said with a snort. "How can you be so sure he's the one for you?" 

"Charlotte," Caroline said, turning to the more demure woman. "I think you can better explain it in words than I can." 

"Me?" Charlotte said. "Why me?" 

"You're more the romantic type," Caroline answered as she wriggled her body down deeper into the water. "And you're also in love. I've never been good at describing my feelings. It's kind of seen as weakness where I come from." 

"Oh . . . well . . . Leila, you know that feeling you get when you're falling from the top of the highest mountain in the world?"

"Yeah, did it just last week." 

"Well, it's kind of like that, but only without the falling part, and with a lot more 'umph'." 

Caroline suddenly sank into the water, her head disappearing beneath the surface. .

". . . um . . .you don't say," Leila finally said in a low tone, her eyebrows knitted together as she stared at Charlotte with a skeptical frown. Caroline slowly rose back out of the water, but only up to her nose. She kept her mouth submerged beneath the surface, blowing frustrated air bubbles into the water, her eyes flat with bewilderment. Charlotte only smiled at the two of them, her expression cheerful and oblivious to the other women's looks of disbelief. 

"When you're falling," she continued lightheartedly, "you don't have any control over it. Everything seems to be rushing out at you all at once, sometimes making you lose sight of the ground and everything else around you, but your heart is what you pay the most attention to. It throbs and aches with a pain you can't stop, beating so fast and hard---only with love, you don't want it to stop. Instead of the pain, there's this fire, this _burning_ sensation. You don't just feel like you can fly . . . you feel completed, like you've just been given your wings for the rest of eternity." 

Caroline sat back up and leaned against the boulder, her expression now relieved and satisfied. 

"I see," Leila said slowly, but her tone was still skeptical. Charlotte noticed, but shrugged it off.

"You'll understand when it happens to you," she promised in her quiet little way. Leila laughed at the idea as though it were a joke. 

"Yeah, we'll see if that happens," she stated. "I can just picture it now. Maybe even a little granddaughter that'll look just like me when I was a kid, too." 

Charlotte smiled knowingly and hugged her towel to her chest without saying a word. 

Suddenly, a loud commotion erupted from the men's side, startling all four of them. There was a lot of loud splashing and yelling, and spouts of water shot up like geysers high enough into the sky for the women to see over the wall. This went on for maybe another ten minutes before it suddenly went quiet again. 

A beat of baffled silence had the women just staring over at the other side. Leila finally managed to shake herself out of it, and stood to take a few steps in the men's direction. 

"HEY!" she yelled at the top of her lungs once she was sure that she was close enough to be heard. "What the hell are you guys doing over there?!"

"Nothing!" a chorus echoed back, slightly muffled by the distance and density of the atmosphere. 

"Hmph," Leila snorted, obviously unconvinced. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~Back on the men's side~~~~~~~~~~~~

Water dripped from everything that was nearby, including the bamboo wall, patio, boulders, and trees. 

D sat exactly where he had been sitting before, his hat still sitting proudly on his head, completely untouched by unwanted hands. 

Meier sat in quiet meditation, just as relaxed and unruffled as D. He hadn't joined in on the fight for D's hat, deciding it was beneath his dignity, despite his own curiosity. 

The others---with the exception of Grove---were completely drenched, and were nursing bruises that were already beginning to show along various parts of their bodies. 

"Who'd a thought he'd be so sensitive about that damn hat," Kyle muttered as he touched a swelling on his head. He winced. 

"I could've told you that, you idiot," Mashira growled as he work to unknot his hair. Kyle shot him a hard look.

"You were trying to get that hat right along with me," Kyle said. 

"Yeah, but I didn't think it be so easy." 

"You guys did a good job," Grove said in his corner, completely untouched. He'd been unable to move from his spot, so he had cheered the others on by the sideline instead. "I especially admired the way Benge tried to distract him from behind while you guys tag teamed around him." 

Nolt still lay unconscious on top of a boulder, having been knocked out by D very early in the game. D had wanted to get the bigger man out of the way in the very beginning since Nolt's physical strength was unmatched by any of the others. Borgoff worked to revive him while trying to support a sprained arm at the same time. 

Everyone suddenly became silent. 

"Does anyone else get the urge to urinate for sitting in all of this warm water?" the hand suddenly asked. 


	6. Evil Rises

The silence of the springs was penetrating. It seemed to absorb every ounce of sound that might disturb the surroundings, wrapping itself around every bather's soul, soothing their bodies as well as their minds and spirits, enwrapping them all within a cocoon of quiet serenity and well-being. 

The men had settled back into the spring and had ceased all talk and activity in exchange for the tranquility that the springs had to offer, each forgetting about his freshly gotten aches and pains, each allowing the rich, warm water to melt their troubles away from their bodies.

On the other side of the bamboo wall, the women were just as relaxed and soothed, soaking up the purifying steam and minerals of the water. Carmila and Caroline had lapsed into a light doze, each of them propped up against the boulder for support. Leila and Charlotte were both wide awake, but they had their eyes closed, and were completely lost in repose. 

Through all of the quiet, none of the women noticed the slight shifting of shadows coming from some nearby bushes, the movements light and barely audible within the resort's hot spring area. 

The **_thing_** had been waiting for quite some time, waiting for when its victims would fall into a complete collapse of awareness so that it could make its move without too much deterrence. 

The **_thing_** shifted again, bouncing from one hiding place to another, getting ever closer to the edge nearest the unsuspecting women. They would be its first target since it deemed them the easiest ones to go after. 

Its movements were quick and lithe, and almost completely undetectable. Only the most trained and wary eye would've been able to separate the **_thing's_** movements from the natural shifts of the spring's own atmosphere. 

The **_thing_** was good at what it did, having had practice and experience for a countless number of years, having succeeded in most of its efforts throughout the duration of its lifetime. This time, however, proved to be a challenge, even to itself. The **_thing_** was excited by challenge---even thrilled---and it was determined not to be cheated out of the rewards of such an unusual opportunity and experience. 

It finally reached the last of its vegetative cover, pausing in its advance just long enough to brace itself. For only a second, the **_thing_** would be exposed out in the open, and the **_thing_** knew from experience that a second of exposure to the likes of its current targets was all that was needed to spoil all of its plans. It had to make sure that the timing was just right, that the women were truly sedated from the hypnotic calm of the atmosphere. 

After another moment of hesitation, it whipped out, keeping low to the ground, and slipped soundlessly into the water without stirring its surface. Its timing was good. Not one of the women had seen it or had been alerted by it . . . and they wouldn't sense it until it was too late, either. Even Caroline, who was so prone to the **_thing's_** definitive energy signature, wouldn't know what had hit her until after it had managed to get what it wanted from her. 

Everything was going according to plan. 

The **_thing_** wormed its way through the dark water, seeking out the women's forms through the murkiness caused by the natural minerals of the spring. It moved with the grace and ease of a salmon, slicing through the water with uncanny smoothness, but it took care to keep its movements slow at first. It had to approach them with the care of a creeping cat; otherwise, it could blow its cover. 

There. 

The **_thing_** caught its first sight of a woman's beautiful silhouette. From this distance, the water was still too murky to make out any details, but by her size and proportion, the **_thing_** automatically knew that it was dear Charlotte. 

_Good_, it thought gleefully, heading right for her. She was tender and young, the perfect first victim. 

As it drew closer and closer, it began to pick up in speed. It could feel its excitement---its arousal---as the sight of Charlotte's body began to take on more definition, her form becoming clearer as it drew ever nearer. Just a little farther, and it would be able to make out every fine detail of her succulent body, from the pink buds of her nipples to the delicate hairs of her womanhood. 

Unable to contain its excitement due to its anticipation of its victory, the **_thing_** launched itself into full speed, reaching out its gnarled hands so that the first thing they would grab would be two big handfuls of well-formed breasts. 

It closed in . . . 

. . . just another split second . . .

---and the **_thing_** suddenly felt itself being wrenched from the water by its hair just before it was able to get a good glimpse of Charlotte's body. It was yanked around with such anger and violence that the **_thing_** thought it would be ripped apart, and then it felt itself being hurled away from the spring---away from its precious fruit. 

The **_thing_** flailed as it sailed through the air, reaching out with its gnarled arms in an attempt to cushion its inevitable fall. It landed just by the edge of the spring with a loud "THUD!", just barely missing the stones that lined it. 

The **_thing_** let out a yelp of outraged pain, daunted . . . but not defeated. 

Above the ringing in its ears, the **_thing_** could hear the women's surprised screams. It let out a woeful moan as it worked to get its bearings back. "You lecherous old man!" it heard a man's furious voice shout. The**_ thing _**paused.

A . . . a _man's_ voice?

Curious, it looked up from the ground, its coin-like eyes searching for the source of the voice---and the **_thing_** smiled, a sly twist of its lips that was meant to mock the man he saw standing in the midst of all of the beautiful lovelies. 

"Ah, Meier," the old man said as he picked himself off of the ground. Meier rotated his jaw, the muscles in his cheeks moving every time he ground his teeth down. He was fighting for control. It was all he could do to keep himself from completely annihilating the old man right on the spot . . . but for whatever the reason was, Meier held his ground as he watched the old man settle himself into a cross-legged position facing him and the women. 

The Leader soon fixated its gaze on all of them, its stare mocking and derogatory. He was somewhat disappointed to see that the women were all now clutching towels to their bodies in addition to keeping themselves submerged beneath the surface of the water so that the old man wasn't able to get a good look at them. He also noticed that each woman looked violated and mad-as-hell . . . but each was still too confused to act out. 

_Hmm . . . _the old man thought as it observed the women's shocked expressions. Apparently, they were just as clueless to Meier's presence in the spring as he had been. This hadn't been a planned effort on their parts. Meier had caught them by surprise, too . . . maybe even more so. Nobody knew where the vampire had come from. He had just suddenly appeared out of the water in front of Charlotte. 

The vampire glared at the old man with such intensity that the women could feel the heat of his stare, his red eyes burning like melted nickel, his hands balled into tight fists of fury. 

The old barbaroi only smirked, shaking his head at himself for having not sensed the presence of the meddling Noble. 

Suddenly, the water erupted again in six different areas of the spring, drawing further gasps of surprise from the women. As the water began to rain back down again, it was revealed that D, Kyle, Benge, Mashira, Nolt, and Borgoff had also been hiding in the water. They were all glaring down at the old barbaroi, almost as pissed-off looking as Meier who continued to fume without acknowledging their presences.

Charlotte let out a inward sigh of relief---they were all wrapped with towels. 

"You guys take him down!" Grove's voice called out from the men's side, his shout slightly muffled by the distance. For obvious reasons, he hadn't come along. 

The old barbaroi blinked a couple of times, taking a good look at the scene in front of him. It seemed that the situation had just gotten more interesting . . . and, he realized as he glimpsed the women's looks of indecision, he could use it to his advantage. 

"My, my, my," the old barbaroi said with a slight lilt to his voice. "Quite an assembly we have here now, yes . . . did you boys want a little action, too, hmm?" 

All of the men looked taken aback, suddenly realizing what they must look like to the women. Nolt stiffened and arched his neck so that he was looking up at the sky, careful to keep his eyes off of anything he wasn't supposed to see. The others, with the exception of D and Meier, threw apprehensive looks in the general direction of the women as they felt the women's battle auras suddenly coming to life . . . except for Caroline who seemed oddly pleased with the situation. 

"What're you guys doing here?" Leila demanded slowly, her voice so finely edged that it managed to send shivers up most of the men's spines. 

"You stupid old man!" Kyle suddenly blasted, outraged at having the blame suddenly focused on him and the others. "Don't try to twist things! We didn't come here for any cheap thrills!"

"Yeah!" Benge joined in. "Who do you take us for? We just picked up your life force over here and already knew what you were up to!" 

"So then how did you end up on this side of the spring?" Carmila asked accusingly, standing up as she carefully wrapped her over-sized towel around her body. 

"We swam under water," Left-hand answered cheerfully, oblivious to the women's rising anger. "We didn't want to let on to the old man that we knew about him, so we just swam all the way here." 

"You expect us to believe that?!" Leila shouted, also standing. "With the exception of D and Meier, not one of you could possibly hold your breath long enough to get all the way around that wall, and then stay under until the old man showed himself! Where's my damn blaster?!" she shouted again, looking around. She had brought it with her---just in case---and had laid it down somewhere where it wouldn't get wet. 

"Now don't get carried away, Leila!" Borgoff said, waving his arms out in front of him. "There's an opening just big enough for us all to squeeze through under the wall over there. You can go look and see for yourself! C'mon, Leila, you know us better than that!" 

"Oh, do I!" Leila screamed. "I know that you're all men and only have one thing on your dirty, little minds!"

"You all think about dog food, too?" Mashira interjected, looking around at the others in surprise. There was a sudden flood of silence as everyone turned as one to look at Mashira. He returned their stares with a baffled one of his own, unable to understand what was going on. 

"C'mon, ladies," Nolt said, blushing, and still looking away. "We didn't come here to get cheap peeks. We only had your best interests in mind." Caroline jumped out of the water and grabbed his arm again, rubbing her cheek against it in adulation. 

"Nolt, my hero," she purred, making Nolt turn even redder. Leila watched the two of them for a moment, feeling some of her anger beginning to slip. 

"And you, D?" Leila started again, turning to him with an accusing eye. "What do you have to say for yourself?" 

"I'm a tortured soul destined to wander the Earth for all eternity," D said impassively. "What makes you think I'd be made any happier by peeping at naked women when it's something that women show me all the time anyway? Take Doris Lang, for example . . ." 

"Point made," Leila sighed. "And you, Meier?" 

"I'm only interested in Charlotte," Meier said with just as much ennui. "And I care about her well-being. I'll not be having a dirty lech laying his hands upon her. You can think what you like, I don't give a damn. All that matters is that I keep Charlotte safe." 

"Oh, Meier," Charlotte sighed lovingly. 

"Charlotte," Meier said with adoration.

"Don't you two start that up again," Benge broke in, annoyed. "Did you two forget why we're here in the first place?" Anger spent, Leila sighed as she finally spotted her blaster sitting on top of the smaller boulders set close to the big boulder. 

"Okay, you guys," Leila said absently as she adjusted the blaster's settings. "I believe your story . . . but we can take care of ourselves. Next time, don't rush in here without at least a word of warning, because I'm not going to look at what I shoot at if this ever happens again." 

"Fine," Meier said. "In the meantime," he commented as he turned back around to face the old man again, "we're going to make sure you pay, old m---" 

He stopped.

The old barbaroi was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, hell!" Caroline cried. "Now the freak's out on the loose! Once he gets started, he never stops!" She whirled on the man other than Nolt closest to her. "Borgoff, what the hell was the point in you idiots coming over here if you weren't going to keep your eyes on the old man?!"

"Hey, now wait just a damn minute!" Borgoff piped defensively. "I did you girls a favor in coming over here, and this is how you thank me?"

"You call letting that pervert get away a favor?!"  
"That wasn't my fault, damn it!"  
"Oh yeah?! Then who's fault was it?!"  
"More yours than mine!!"

"And how the hell did you come to that bright conclusion, **_honey?!!_**"

"The same way I came to the conclusion that you're a real bi---"

"Hey!"

Leila shot off a single blast, silencing the both of them. She held her blaster over her head, watching Caroline and Borgoff just long enough to make sure that they were going to behave. 

"Okay," she began slowly, "it's nobody fault . . . does everyone understand that?"

Borgoff and Caroline only snorted, but they didn't try to disagree with Leila . . . she had the blaster, and she was a good shot. 

"The old man wanted to set ourselves against each other," Leila said, looking around at the others. "And he did well enough to get away . . . now we have to work on holding it together---at least long enough to bring him back under reins. No more fighting among friends, you got it?" 

There were murmurs of consent, including from Borgoff and Caroline. 

"Yeah, we're going to have to do something," Kyle said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "We can't just let that pervert run around and doing whatever-the-hell he wants." 

"You can do what you like," Benge sighed, turning away, suddenly sounding very bored and tired. "I'm going to back to rejoin Tinkerbell on the men's side." 

"I said stop calling me that!" everyone heard Grove's voice floating over from the distance. Benge made a mental note to remember that Grove could hear over long distances thanks to his astral projective ability, something that Benge would have to watch out for whenever he was muttering to himself anywhere near him. 

"You really want that pervert just running around trying to feel up the girls?" Kyle asked with an arched eyebrow. "It's the duty of every able male to protect vulnerable women." 

"_Vulnerable women?_" Leila repeated, cocking the blaster's nozzle at Kyle's head.

"Okay, just anyone in general," he said quickly, working to appease her. 

"It isn't just women with something to worry about," Benge stated, turning his head to throw a look over at both Meier and D. "Any pretty boys have got their backs to watch, too." 

"What do you mean?" Meier asked cautiously. 

"The old man's not picky about gender," Caroline explained, her head resting against Nolt's side. Her face was very serious. "All he cares about is if you look good to his eyes . . . D can vouch for that fact." 

All eyes turned on the vampire hunter. He only shrugged.

"He's not something I have to worry about," Meier said, waving his hand as if to blow the idea off. "He's no match for me or D." 

"Think again," Mashira suddenly broke in. 

"What?" 

"The Leader is a master of the perverted arts," the wolfish barbaroi explained solemnly. "No one has ever been able to match his skill, and I doubt that either you or D will be able to stand up against him alone." 

"What are you talking about?" Meier huffed. "His source of power was that stupid unicycle he's always riding around on. You said so yourself. Without it, he's nothing but a dirty old man."

"That's where you're wrong," Caroline said somberly. She suddenly broke her hold on Nolt and stepped away from him, surprising everyone. She was deadly serious. "The old man's unicycle is the source of his _magic _power," she said, looking around at everyone. "But he has other ways of dealing with those he wants something from, and he's very good at them all. It's not known what the extent of his abilities is---no one's ever been able to get that far. All that's known for certain is that the old man has different channels he can access with that unicycle being his favorite. Without it, he'll seek the others which he can easily tap into whenever he wants."

"Then why hadn't he done so earlier?" Borgoff argued, crossing his arms. "Sounds like a bunch a crap to me."

"That's because he's playing with us," Caroline said, throwing Borgoff a dirty look. "He lives on games---thrives on them---and he'll be working from here on out to drive every one of us insane." 

"Then tell me why---," Leila began, barely being able to contain her anger, "---you three agreed to bring him along with us back in those woods?"

"Because he had already found us out, honey," Caroline answered with a sigh. "We thought that if we brought him with us that it would at least keep him in check . . . what can I say? We were wrong." 

"Great," the hand muttered. "This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation . . . what the hell happened?"

"Evil," the three barbarois answered simultaneously. "Pure evil." 


	7. The Hunt Is On

The air was thick with warm moisture that soon condensed into beads of water along any exposed flesh. It was a soothing sensation that would normally leave a person feeling cleansed and free while the trees and the resort's low elevation helped to cut out any winds that might disturb its tenants. 

But this time, a cold breeze somehow managed to break through the thick foliage and dense atmosphere. It was just a sliver of wind, a stream of air so soft and short that it could have been the breath of a person as he yawned . . . but it was ice cold, sliding against the flushed faces of each member of the group, making some of them shiver from its frosty touch. 

"An ill wind," Caroline whispered to herself, bringing her hands up to rub her arms. "It's a bad omen." 

"Don't talk like that, Caroline," Mashira muttered. "You know that always gives me the creeps . . . my nerves are already on edge as it is." 

"I can't help it," Caroline shot back, but without any of her usual heat. "You felt it as well as I did. It won't be long, now."

"What're you two talking about?" Kyle asked as he yawned. "I don't feel anything." 

"The Leader's wrath has been ignited," Caroline said with a nervous edge. "Now you can bet your ass that we're in trouble, honey. He isn't the Leader of the Barbarois for nothing." 

"Well I say let's go look for him before he gets a chance to look for us," Borgoff said, stepping into the middle of the circle that the group had formed in the spring. "If that old geezer has it out for us, then why don't we take him down before he can launch an attack?"

"It's not that easy," Benge said, his arms crossed. "Didn't we already explain that the Leader isn't so powerless?" 

"Well we ain't, either," Borgoff stated, turning to face him. "All of us against that pervert . . . he won't stand a chance." 

"I guess he'll just have to learn the hard way," Caroline murmured.

"Just make sure you're not anywhere near him when he's being taught," Benge murmured back. 

"What, you two don't think I can hear you?" Borgoff growled, glaring at them. They both shrugged.

"Oh, Meier," Charlotte fretted quietly, buried deeply within Meier's protective arms. "What're we going to do about that old man? He almost got me the last time." 

"Don't worry, my love," Meier said as he stroked Charlotte's hair with a comforting hand. "I won't let him get you." 

Nolt shifted to ease the cramp beginning to worm its way up his leg. He was still staring up at the sky, even though each of the women had already made sure to cover themselves up with their towels. "So do we just go off and start looking for the pervert like Borgoff says?" Nolt asked in his deep voice. 

"Well that's what I'm going to do," Borgoff said, stepping out of the circle and away from the group. "Anyone who wants to join the search is welcome to it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let that crazy old fool ruin my vacation . . . this stupid stuff is going to end today." 

"As much as I hate to admit it," Meier said, looking around at the others, "I have to agree with Borgoff. Normally I'd just say lay in wait for the old man, but he's too cunning to be taken in by such a tactic. We'll have to hunt him down." 

"Great," Carmila muttered. Then she looked up at the others, her eyes narrowed. "I think it's called for that I make known to everyone now that I'm only going along with this 'hide-and-seek' charade to protect my own better interests. I have just as much at stake here as any of the other women." 

"Right," Kyle muttered sarcastically under his own breath. "Who'd want to go after an old witch like you?"

"WHAT WAS THAT!!??" Carmila shouted, her eyes glowing, her hair whipping about her as her battle aura suddenly came to life. Benge and Mashira took involuntary steps away from her since they were the ones standing closest to her, both of them shielding their eyes from Carmila's intense anger. 

All of a sudden, a sharp, blood-curdling cackle erupted from the woods surrounding the springs, but it was impossible to hear where it was coming from. The evil laughter echoed from every direction, making everyone in the group turn circles. After a moment, it was D who first realized that the laughter wasn't actually anywhere near them. They were just hearing the horrible sound as it reverberated off of any hard surface, echoing back to them in an uncanny canyon-effect. 

"He's anticipating our first move," D said seriously as he stared in one particular direction. The feeling was very faint, but he could sense the old man's presence coming from just somewhere in the wooded area over to the right of the resort---and the old barbaroi was moving very swiftly. He wasn't allowing himself to stay in one given place for too long. "He knows that we're going to try to find him, and he's waiting for us." 

"Why do I feel like we're the ones being hunted here?" Leila sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. 

"That's because we are, honey," Caroline said with a flick of her wrist. "Make no mistake about that. Anything we do here on out are just defensive maneuvers as far as I'm concerned." 

"You're such a cynic, Caroline." 

"Well somebody has to be." 

Kyle slapped his hands together, his mouth curving up into an excited smile. "Okay," he said happily. "Where do we start?" 

Benge threw him a hooded, suspicious look.

"You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?" he asked Kyle dryly, his voice flat. 

"What?" Kyle said with a big grin on his face. "Enjoying this? No, of course I'm not." A beat. "I'm going to our room to fetch my blades!" 

_It's a good thing we're the only guests here,_ Leila thought blandly as she watched Kyle disappear into the ladies' baths, using it as a shortcut. 

"Kyle, you be careful while in there!" Borgoff shouted, unsure that Kyle had actually heard him. Then, in a lower voice, he added, "---because we don't know where that old pervert's going to show up." 

"Hey, where you going?" 

Everyone's attention was suddenly captured by the sound of confusion in Nolt's voice. He was looking directly at D who was trailing away from the rest of the group, heading over to the area of wall that Borgoff had pointed out earlier---the one with the opening just below the water's surface. No one had noticed him leaving except for Nolt. 

D continued walking without looking back or responding, leaving the others behind in shrouded silence. Leila could feel her irritation get a hold of her, and she ran to close the distance that D had already put in between himself and the others. 

"Hey," she said tightly once she was walking beside him. "Nolt asked you where you were going. The least you could do is answer, you jerk." 

D looked down at her without pausing. She glared up at him, silently demanding that he answer the question. 

"I'm going back to get some underwear," he said placidly, his face expressionless. Leila almost stumbled, caught off-guard by his words. Behind her, she could hear everyone balk and splash down into the water, too stunned to lift themselves out of the water for the next few seconds afterward. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you see anything?" Benge asked apprehensively from beside Kyle. Kyle was peering around a rock face that they had come across in their search along the southern area of the resort. It was just a ledge that jutted out from the earth, but it still stood high and wide enough to create an optical barrier. 

Benge's face was practically pressed up against Kyle's head, working hard to see around the corner without exposing himself in the process. 

"Will you give me my space," Kyle muttered irritably, jabbing his elbow back into Benge's stomach to help give his words more meaning. 

"Quit your shovin'," Benge muttered back, rubbing his mid-section where Kyle's elbow had connected. "If you'd hurry up and clear the area, I'd back off." 

"Well I can't clear the area with you melting the nose from my face with your bad breath." 

"I'd be doing you a favor." 

"Not as big a favor as I'd be giving you in making you eat those words."

"Just try it, you prick."

"What you just call me?"

"You heard what I said." 

"Shh." Kyle hissed suddenly, holding up his hand to silence the arguing. "Did you just hear that?" 

"What?" Benge said heatedly, coming to attention, but not completely forgetting his anger. 

"Just wait for it," Kyle whispered, laying a hand on one of his blades. They were both still stripped down to their towels since everyone had agreed that it would be best to begin the search for the old man immediately. He could catch them unawares while dressing, after all. Kyle had had just barely enough time to strap on his blades before Borgoff had barreled into the room to drag him and his own arrow launcher back out. 

Leila had paired up with D to search the area to the right of the woods. Meier had insisted on keeping Charlotte close to him, accompanied by Borgoff since the demure woman was hardly a fighter of any caliber. Caroline had refused to leave Nolt's side, so the two of them---along with Carmila---were sent to search the other side of the resort together. 

Now, both Kyle and Benge stood tense and still as they listened for any out-of-place sound, something that Kyle swore he had heard only a moment before. It had been very quick---very soft---but it had been there all the same. Everything had suddenly become still and quiet as the two of them cocked their ears. 

A minute of complete silence.

Another minute.

And then they heard it again. 

A slight rustle of movement sliding along the soft ground, barely detectable. Kyle closed his eyes and concentrated on the movement, allowing his senses to pick up where it was coming from.

A beat. 

"There!" he shouted while simultaneously whipping out a blade and throwing it in northeastern direction. Both he and Benge heard a fearful cry of outrage followed by a loud crash and "THUMP!". 

"You got the little bastard, Kyle!" Benge shouted happily, giving him a congratulatory smack on the back. 

"Yeah, c'mon!" Kyle yelled enthusiastically, bolting off in the direction of the crash. They weaved around some trees and whipped over a short ridge---and then stopped dead in their tracks. 

Mashira was slowly picking himself off of the ground, grunting and yelping over his injuries, bruises that wouldn't show until the next day. Kyle spotted his knife still lodged about ten feet up in the tree behind Mashira, its blade imbedded deep in the wood where it had driven into after ripping through Mashira's towel. Mashira must have been positioned along one of the tree's thick branches so that his towel had hung away from his body, allowing itself to become the target as Kyle's blade had caught Mashira by complete surprised. 

Mashira's angry expression became ever harder and fiercer as he looked up at Kyle and Benge, his muttering becoming unintelligible growls in his throat as he caught their sheepish looks

"What the hell's the matter with you two idiots?!" he barked, his body tensed and heaving. 

"Sorry, Mashira," Kyle muttered as he rubbed the back of his head apologetically. "I . . . kinda forgot that we sent you off to sniff the grounds." 

"Yeah, you can blame him for all of it," Benge quickly interceded. "I had nothing to do with this."

Kyle's eyes flashed, his guilt forgotten as he turned his attention on Benge. "Why you little---"

"How could you forget that I was out here?" Mashira cut in, incredulous, but not any less angry. "That stupid knife of yours almost got me in the ass!"

"Hey, look, I said I was sorry," Kyle said irritably, dropping his apologetic mood. "It doesn't help that you and the other barbaroi freaks made your "leader" sound like he was some kind of unstoppable psychopath. How do you expect me to react when you're bumbling around making all that noise?"

"Noise?" Mashira snorted loudly, his face full of disdain and disbelief. "I hardly made a sound, you idiot! Don't try to turn this around on me! You were the one who's throwing stuff. Haven't you ever learned not to leap before you look?" 

"Who are you to tell me about not leaping!" Kyle shouted, his temper flaring. "You're the one who pulled that number with the rover earlier today!" 

"And who do you think was sitting out on top of it the whole journey!" Mashira shot back. "I had to bare the punishment of the elements while you and the others got to enjoy all that nice air conditioning!"

"Not for the whole journey," Kyle said as he straightened, thumbing his nose. "You made sure of that, didn't you?"

"I had every right."

"Just so you'll know, I'm going to charge you for the body work later." 

"What?! &^%@!#$*%^!!!"

"Mashira," Benge suddenly cut in. "Your towel." 

"Huh?"

Mashira looked down, noticing for the first time that his towel had somehow managed to slip away from his waist. It laid around his ankles, the rip along its right end gaping at him like an open mouth. Sighing, he bent down and picked it up, wrapping it back around his waist and tying it securely at the ends to be sure it wouldn't fall off again. He managed to get it so that the rip was overlapped by the other end of the towel, covering it completely.

Then he looked back up at Kyle, his eyes still burning with anger, but now much more controlled.

"Tell you what," he said in a calm voice. "You forget about those charges on the rover, and I'll forget about reporting you for attempted murder." 

"Attempted murder!!" Kyle raged, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head, his face now red as a tomato. "I didn't try to kill you! You were just in the wrong spot at the wrong time!"

"So you say," Mashira snorted, turning his head so that he could look at Kyle from the corners of his hooded eyes.

"I don't believe this! Benge, talk some sense into him!"

"Don't drag _me_ into this," Benge said haughtily. "I wasn't the one who threw that knife." 

"AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!"

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My slippers are getting all soiled," Carmila complained, picking her way through the foliage in a dainty little walk. "They're made of 100% of the finest imported silk."

"Well why don't you take them off, then?" Nolt asked in his deep voice, his tone casual. Caroline walked along side him, her arms wrapped around one of his. He carried his giant hammer in the other. 

"And get my feet soiled as well?" Carmila objected, somewhat indignantly. "I think not."

"Then stop complaining about your slippers, Carmila," Caroline breathed. "The Leader'll be able to hear you the way you keep carrying on." 

"Good," Carmila huffed, pausing for a moment so that she could scrape some wet grass from her soles. "The sooner we find that old fool, the better. Maybe if he can hear us, we can lure him out into the open." 

"Doubtful," Caroline said dryly, shooting a bored look over her shoulder. "He's more likely to ambush us ourselves. We should be the first ones to spot him. It'll at least give us the upper hand." 

"Whatever." Carmila straightened and placed a polished hand on each of her slender hips. "I'm going to make sure that old fool pays for forcing me to come out here like this," she muttered under her breath. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Meier."

"Charlotte."

"Meier."

"Charlotte."

"Meier---"

"I didn't join up with the two of you to hear you gushing over each other," Borgoff cut in, eyeing Meier and Charlotte with more than a little disdain. They stood facing each other, Meier's hands clasped around Charlotte's. 

Meier sighed, then wrapped an arm around Charlotte's slender shoulders. "Borgoff's right, my love," he told her gently. "We must stay focused on the matter at hand. The villain might be lurking anywhere."

"Oh, Meier," Charlotte said fearfully. "Do you really think we'll be able to fight him off?"

"Of course, dear one," Meier said in his most comforting tone. "He cannot possibly stand against me, no matter what the other barbarois say." 

"Don't take this too lightly, vampire," Borgoff commented as he passed the two of the up. "Because it wouldn't surprise me if it came around and bit you in the ass. You might want to think about saving a little face while you're still ahead." 

Meier snorted, keeping his pace even with the other man as Charlotte cuddled against him. "I don't need a human telling me to save face," he said in a flat voice. "I'm telling you that the old man has got nothing I won't be able to counter. He and the barbarois have been serving the Nobility for millennia, and with good reason." 

"The old man's greedy, that's all," Borgoff argued. "He does it for the sake of money. He's a business man." 

"My ass," Meier snorted. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"D, what the hell are we trying to do?" Leila asked flatly, watching him dispersing women's undergarments along the ground. 

Silence.

Leila could feel her eyes narrow and her stomach tighten. 

"I asked you a question, dhampire." 

"And I gave you my answer." 

"What?" Leila blinked in confusion. "You didn't tell me sh--"

"Quit your whining," the hand cut in. "Can't you put two and two together on your own, you twit?"

"What you just call me?" Leila said in a low voice, her body beginning to boil. The hand sniffed, seemingly uncaring of Leila's rise in anger. 

"D's laying out a trap for the pervert," it said. 

"I _know_ that," Leila responded through clenched teeth, her voice tight. "I meant I wanted to know how D could possibly think that such an obvious set-up will trick the pervert. That old man isn't a fool who was born yesterday." 

Silence. 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grove settled back into the water, enjoying the soothing heat and peaceful atmosphere. He let out a contented sigh, quickly dozing off into a restful sleep. 

_Wonder what everyone's up to_, he thought as his mind drifted off. 


	8. Peanuts Are Small Coconuts

"Tell me again why we're doing this?" Benge moaned, leaning down to massage his feet. "We've been running around this forest looking for the Leader, and all we've found are dirt and trees. It's not like we have anything to worry about from that pervert." 

"So what're you trying to say, Benge?" Kyle asked, slanting his eyes in the barbaroi's direction. "Are you trying to say that I'm ugly?"

"I'm saying that you're lucky they don't lock you away for indecent exposure," Benge responded flatly. "You could make a grown man think you're mooning him just by smiling at him." 

Instead of responding in anger, Kyle only shrugged his shoulders and concentrated on inspecting the blade that he had pried from a tree earlier. Mashira still wasn't talking to him because of that accident, and was currently propped up against another tree, eyeing Kyle sourly. 

"You're one to talk about ugly, Benge," Kyle said casually, running his finger along the blade's edge. "You're always running around with that make-up and hood. I don't think anyone's ever seen what your face really looks like beneath it all. What's up with that?"

"You're not going to get started on me like you did with D, are you?" Benge asked flippantly. "I wouldn't advice going there." 

"Like I'd be interested in knowing what you really look like," Kyle snorted without looking at him. "There's probably a good reason why you insist on hiding your face, and I don't want to know about it." 

"What do you know?" Benge breathed, laying back against the boulder he was sitting on. "I could have the face of an angel."

Kyle almost choked on the laughter that filled his throat, but he managed to swallow it down before it coughed out. Benge noticed, and his eyes suddenly developed an irritated tic. 

"Hey," Mashira suddenly interrupted. He unfolded his locked arms, his nose angled up in the air. "You guys smell that?" 

"Smell what?" Kyle asked as he continued to inspect his blade. 

"It smells like---" Mashira took a deep breath, inhaling with gusto, "---like . . . roasted peanuts." 

"Peanuts!" Benge exclaimed, sitting up in a whir of movement. He whipped away from the boulder he'd been laying on and ran over to Mashira's side with Kyle's confused eyes following the barbaroi every step of the way. Kyle watched as both Mashira and Benge sniffed with reverence, their faces drawn up into expressions of absolute pleasure and delight. 

"Okay," Kyle said, dragging the word out slightly. "So what's the big deal?" 

"Fool," Benge said, shooting an annoyed glance over in Kyle's direction. "Peanuts are the meaning of life itself." 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You get your flying ass back down here this instant!" 

Nolt and Caroline just watched as Carmila seethed, her face red with anger, her hands clutched into tight fists of fury by her sides. She had her glowing eyes fixed on a tiny sparrow perched near the top of a tall tree. It watched with impassive ennui as Carmila hissed and snarled at it. 

"Why don't you leave the bird alone?" Caroline asked in boredom, her eyebrows hitched. Carmila had been cursing the sparrow for a full hour. Carmila's head suddenly whipped around, her teeth gnashing together as she glared at the barbaroi woman with incredulous irritation. 

"That _thing_ tried to _relieve_ itself on me!" she hissed. "I'm not going to let that go unpunished. Even animals must come to fear and respect the Nobility!" 

"It was just an accident," Nolt argued gently. "It's just a bird . . . and you're making too much noise. You're going to screw us up, Carmila."

"So the hell what!" Carmila shouted. She whipped around again, once more focusing her burning gaze on the sparrow which had gone on to preen its feathers with indifference, having lost all interest in the vampiress. "Don't you turn your back on me, you little devil!" Carmila screamed. "Don't make me come up there, damn it!" 

**__**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Meier," Charlotte cooed, her beautiful eyes becoming dewy and starry. 

"Yes, my love?" Meier answered lovingly, stopping in mid-stride so that he could gaze down at Charlotte's beautiful face. "Is there something wrong?"

Charlotte blushed slightly, suddenly becoming very shy. "I just wanted to tell you how much I loved you. It's so romantic here with all this beautiful scenery."

"Charlotte, my darling one," Meier began, his voice sweet and smooth. "Nothing on this Earth could ever possibly measure up to your own beauty."

"Oh, Meier."

"Charlotte."

"Meier."

"Charlotte."

"Meier."

Several yards ahead of them, Borgoff slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and then left it there. 

"This has got to stop," he growled under his breath. "You guys---" he droned, turning around as he did so. "This has got to be the fiftieth time we've---"

"Don't interrupt while Charlotte is trying to speak, human," Meier snapped, his red eyes suddenly glaring. 

"What the hell, Meier," Borgoff snapped back. "We've got a job to do! How many times are you two going to have to---"

"I said enough, you heathen," Meier cut in. Borgoff's left eye began to twitch as he and Meier launched themselves into another staring match. Charlotte watched as the two of them became engrossed in their battle of wills and decided that she'd make the best of her time by picking the pretty, white flowers she saw growing just a few feet away. They were the perfect things to go in her hair today.

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"D, I don't really feel as though we have a working partnership going on here," Leila commented flatly as she followed the dhampire through some thick brush. She waited for a response---any kind of response---but she got nothing back but more silence. 

_Weapons_, she thought with growing anger. _I . . . need . . . bigger weapons . . ._ She could feel the compulsion to grab her blaster making her fingers itch.

_No, _she rebuked herself. _Violence is not the answer . . . _

"Look, D," Leila sighed as she stopped in the middle of the brush. "I refuse to move from this spot until you tell me what you're up to. First, it's the women's lingerie we left all scattered back there, and now we're traipsing around with no real plan or purpose other than t---" 

D suddenly stopped and turned around to look at her, freezing her words in her throat. His gray eyes were intense . . . and distracted. He stared right through her, at something directly behind her. Leila could feel her stomach tighten in apprehension, could feel herself wanting to glance over her shoulder to get a good look at whatever-it-was that D was watching so attentively, but she couldn't bring herself to make any sudden moves. So she watched D instead, and waited for him to give her some sort of sign, some sort of message.

Then she caught the smell of . . . roasting peanuts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Down at Barnum's fair, one evening I was there, when I heard a showman, shouting underneath the flair---Oh, I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are all standing in a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head! Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!"

Grove stopped singing long enough to let out a giant sneeze. He sniffed as he straightened, rubbing a finger under his nose in bewilderment. 

"That's strange," he said to himself. He was still in the hot springs, soaking in the heated water with nothing but steam all around him. No reason for him to suddenly be getting the sniffles. 

There were only three reasons why he'd sneeze just out of the blue like that. Grove tried to remember what they were . . . but then he suddenly got a whiff of roasted peanuts in the air. It was very faint and was hidden within the spicy scent of the hot springs itself, but it was a definite smell that he was able to catch. 

"Hmm," he hummed to himself. Then he shrugged, and smiled to himself. "Where are those guys?" he wondered as he looked around the empty spring. "I'm getting bored to all Hell all by myself . . . Oh! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!Every ball you throw will make me rich! There stands me wife, the idol of me life, singing, _'roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch.' _Singing_, 'roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch, roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch, roll a bowl a bowl, roll a bowl a bowl, roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch!' _

  



End file.
